Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
