did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize