Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
