btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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