At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
