i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
