I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
