Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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