and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
