Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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