Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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