I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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