Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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