He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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