addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
