You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
