My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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