he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
