i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
