How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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