fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
