is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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