Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
