how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
