Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
