I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The air taste purple.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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