I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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