Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
