He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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