she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
