if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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