If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
