dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
