I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
