Ambien. No doubt about it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
