Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
