all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
