You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
