I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
