She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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