drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
A+ Viking dick
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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