shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
