Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
