Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
