I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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