its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
