I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
