Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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