Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize