that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
