Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
