You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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