3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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