I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She's like a pop up book from hell.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
