look no pants
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
