How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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