I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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