update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
