I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
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We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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