just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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