feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
false alarm, still single
Randomize