sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
