It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
