A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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