Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
