Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
